Sick of movie sequels.

I’m sick of movie sequels.

You know any movie that makes more then two pesos in profit is probably going to have one.

Because of this you know that any important character is not going to die, or even change very much.   It seems like every other movie franchise that comes out is a trilogy.  Am I the only one that thinks that not every story line is strong enough to carry through a whole trilogy?

Every movie has to leave the option for a sequel to be made.  This means that the story never gets fully resolved.  The bad guys (or the good guys, if the movie is trying to be ‘edgy’) always escape with enough resources to make a come back in the next movie.  Its simply lazy movie making.

One thing I enjoyed about Japanese TV shows- they generally have a real story arc to them.  There are some dramas that have been running for years and have predictable, and never ending plots.  But many of the dramas are intended to only last a single season.

Besides the show “Life one Mars” I can’t think of any show that was intended to last one season.

Also Showtime’s “Dexter”- each season has a story arc, and there are real consequences in terms of the story.  As opposed to a show like ‘Lost’ where after several seasons, the characters are still running around saying ‘man, this is one weird island!’

I read today that the movie ‘District 9’ will likely have a sequel made.  While the movie was o.k. does it  need a sequel?  No.  Will it feel tacked on and irrelevant?  Probably.

Shutting down an airport

So two fighter jets were launched in order to respond to a drunk on a plane in a bathroom.

Not entirely sure how the fighter pilots were supposed to remove said drunk from the can, though.

Not too long ago an entire airport was shut down due to some honey.

I have no idea how much it costs to launch a fighter aircraft or shut down an airport, but I imagine that it isint cheap.  Meanwhile, Nigerians carrying bombs manage to slip through airport security in the Netherlands.   So we CAN find honey or a guy who can’t handle his booze.  We are apparently willing to submit to being virtually strip searched every time we get on a plane.  Are we one bit safer then we were before?

Why aren’t people pissed off about this?

Effective counter terror measures have been developed, but America is too wrapped up in political correctness to implement them.  The TSA may be making some positive changes, but the scanners are still going to be installed.

At this rate, we will have to fly in hospital gowns in a couple of years.

All new Bi-annual update!

Yeah its been more then a while since my last post.  It turns out that changing damn near everything in your life is a little more time consuming then I expected.

Things aren’t exactly roses now, either.

What have I been doing the past two years?

We changed hemispheres and country of residence.

I went back to school, crammed a couple years worth of classes into three semesters.

Applied for and was accepted to a couple different professional programs.

Accepted the spot in the program I felt was the best fit, and we moved another few thousand miles.

Finished my first semester there, and made the dean’s list to boot. (12.5% done!)

I also helped my wife adjust to living in a new country, where almost no one speaks her native language.  (Not as easy it sounds, trust me.)

Adopted and rehabilitated a severely abused dog.  (Also not as easy as it sounds.)

So yeah, I’ve been busy.

I’m going to try to post regularly, but I make no promises, on my list of responsibilities, this is bottom on the list.  I’m sure the few regular readers I had before this have long since stopped coming anyhow.  So I will see how this goes.

You want me to do WHAT to your daughters?

One thing I kind of miss from my early days of living in Japan is the language barrier.  Life can be a lot more entertaining when you do not have the slightest clue as to what is going on.  For example, when a woman invited me to sleep with her twin daughters.

So I was teaching an adult class back when I first moved to Japan.  One of my first classes consisted of several middle aged house wives in a beginning English class.  After a few weeks, one member of the class announced with a grin that I should sleep with her twin daughters.

The rest of the class brightened and nodded in agreement- apparently it would be a very good idea if I slept with the womans twin daughters.

To this notion I replied (being the suave and sophisticated individual that I am)  “uh…..o…k..?”  Now, I am not stupid enough to think for a second that she actually intended for me to sleep sleep with her daughters, but that still didnt change the fact that I could not even begin to guess what she actually meant.

Then another woman piped in “So you will sleep with her daughters?”  To which I managed a confident “Um…..shh..ure?”  At this point all the women were smiling and nodding that this was, in fact, an excellent idea.

Beginning to think that I was becoming the victim of some sort of practical joke, I asked “Why would you want me to sleep with your daughters?”

The reply was “To change your face.” 

“To change my face?”

“Yes.  Maybe your nose can become lower.”

“My nose?”

“Yes, it is too high.”

To make a long story short they were joking about softening my very foreign features from an old folk tale.  The belief was that parents sleeping with a new born baby is what passes on facial features from parents to their children.  Much to my dismay this old folk belief had absolutely nothing to do with menage-a-trois.

Flying the Unfriendly skies.

We made the mistake of flying an American airline company to travel to the U.S.

Before, when traveling between the U.S. and Japan, C and I would always buy an American Airlines ticket.  Not that we ever wanted to fly on American Airlines- but, every time we flew AA before, we actually rode on a Japan Airlines jet.  So we got JAL service, a far superior product, for the slightly cheaper AA price, plus we could rack up JAL frequent flier miles.

This sweet arrangement has ended apparently.  This time when we flew back to the States, we rode on a combination JAL/AA flight.  However, we had the misfortune of riding on an AA jet.  (I feel really bad for the poor saps who bought a more expensive JAL ticket but were suckered into an AA flight.)

In addition to the lack of free alcohol (and I generally try to recoup the cost of my ticket on international flights by consuming an equal value in liquor) The AA flight we took was like spending a day in a rest home.  Well that is not a fair comparison, and I apologize to rest homes everywhere. 

The average age of the flight attendants was maybe 65 years old, and most of these golden girls didn’t look a day under 60.  At least one of them was old enough that she probably got her start as a flight attendant for the Wright brothers.

Now, I do not have anything against senior citizens in the work force, as long as they can do the job.  However these flight attendants, in addition to being incredibly surly, asked their customers on more then a few occasions to assist in their duties.  I do have to admit that the plane seemed very new.  It was so new in fact, that the food they served on the plane probably outdated it by at least six months.

My biggest complaint however, was about my carry on.  I play a Japanese musical instrument slightly smaller then the average guitar.  On the AA website they claim that guitars would be allowed as a carry on bag.  I contacted the airlines and described the instrument, its dimensions, and the flight I was taking to make sure I could bring the instrument as my carry on bag.  They replied saying that it would be no problem.  Of course, when I got to the gate, I was forced to check my instrument.  In addition to being lied to when I contacted AA, the staff member at the gate insulted me and laughed at me for being indignant about insisting on bringing on my carry on.

So my question is, why does the U.S. government insist on bailing out the airline companies?  It is not just American Airlines that has poor service, in the last two years I have had the misfortune of flying United and Southwest as well.  I have flown on several different companies from several different countries.  Airline companies based in the States have an almost uniformly poor service.  In fact, everyone I know that flies more then once a decade does everything they can to avoid flying on a U.S. carrier.  The airlines do not need more bail-outs.  They need to offer a service worth buying.

Next time I have to cross the Pacific if faced with the choice of taking a U.S. airline or swimming, I think I would try the latter.

All I need now is my “00”

In about fifteen hours I will no longer be a resident of Japan.

I found out that the only way to not to pay the expensive residence tax is to give up my visa.  At least getting a residence visa in Japan is no where near as difficult as getting a residence visa in the States.

On the way back from getting a few odds and ends tied up, we were delayed by a good ninety minutes.  This was due to a traffic jam caused by a tiny fender-bender of an accident.  When I am delayed that long by traffic, I want to see blood on the asphalt.  Ok, I do not wantto see blood, but I didn`t want to be held up in traffic either.  I just want to be able to say “Ok, I was held up by thirty minutes, but that guy lost part of his hand.  Thus the cosmic balance is restored.”  I mean, if I am inconvenienced in the slightest, I at least want a decent reason for it.  Rough guidelines for maintaining karmic balance between other`s tragedy and my inconvienince are as follows-

30 min delay- massive vehicle damage.

1 Hour delay- Maiming.

2 hour delay- three words “Orphanage bus fire.”

My wallet currently holds $50 U.S.,  200 Euros, 5,000 yen and a random assortment of British Pounds, Thai Baht, Korean Won, and Chinese Yuan.  It also contains various IDs in Japanese and in English.  I feel mildly like a secret agent, though, obviously not a very well-funded one. 

Neither C nor I are looking forward to another trans-Pacific flight.  At least we can say our biggest concerns at this point is weather or not they will let me take my shamisen as my carry-on and weather or not the in-flight movies are any good.  Obviously, things are not going too poorly.  Next time I update will be from the states.

Ron Paul Fundraiser- This December 16th

It is shaping up that the Ron Paul campaign will break its own record.

The first major grassroots organized fundraiser- thisnovember5th.com set a new record with $4 million raised online in a single 24 hour period. Roughly 18,000 people pledged to donate $100 at thisnovember5th.com . On the actual day, there were over 38,000 donations, the vast majority of which were from first time donors. It proved that Ron Paul`s support is both widespread and growing.

The next major fundraiser- this november 11th.com did a very impressive $200,000. It did not have the massive support that thisnovember5th.com did, but I believe that due to their proximity the two fundraisers stepped on each others toes, so to speak. Also it did not have the time to build support that the previous fundraiser did. It was still a very significant amount raised on a single day less then one week after a massive, record breaking day.

Another major grass-roots organized fund raiser is shaping up to take place on December 16th. You history buffs out there will remember that December 16th is the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party- keeping in line with the Ron Paul`s rEVOLutionary campaign theme.Launched on November 8th there are, at the time of this writing there are 11,779 pledges to donate $100 on December 16th. That is about 2,000 people signing up every day. If Ron Paul`s supporters come through like they did on Nov 5th, there is no doubt in my mind that this will be another record breaking day for the Ron Paul campaign.

There is still more then a month to build support – if it is anything like the first fundraiser it will blow the roof off of the Ron Paul campaigns previous record.

If you want to sign up to donate you can do so at www.teaparty07.com

You can track Ron Paul`s fundraising progress at www.ronpaulgraphs.com

Or you can go ahead and donate at the official campaign website- www.ronpaul2008.com

One of the best movies you will probably never see.

The Japanese movie Bushi no Ichibun was released in the U.S. on November 2nd as Love and Honor.

So yes, I am a bit behind the times. But if you get a chance to see this movie do yourself a favor and check it out.

Personally I my preference in movies leans towards those that involve guns. Or dinosaurs. Or dinosaurs with guns. But until some Hollywood bigwig buys my script for Ninja Dinosaurs Vs. Vixen Amazon Samurai With Guns IV (Hey, Starwars started with #4 too! It is a recipe for success!) I will have to make do with lesser films. One of the best of these lesser films (it lacks both guns AND dinosaurs AND car chases.) is Love and Honor. (Bushi no Ichibun)

In spite of it being a “samurai” movie it almost has a complete lack of bloodshed. Instead it focuses on things like “story” and “plot” and “character development” stuff that, in general I try to avoid. Kimura Takuya, singer from the “Boy-Band” SMAP (I use that term loosely as they haven’t been boys since the Reagan administration.) spends a busy two hours in Love and Honor proving that he does in fact posses some talent, though admittedly not in the singing or dancing department.

In all seriousness though, In a nutshell, Kimura is a low level samurai who works as a professional food taster who is blinded by poisonous fish. He and his wife must then deal with depression, financial crises, love and betrayal as the vultures come circling in. It is one of the best movies I have seen in the last year, and one of the few Japanese movies I have seen where I thought “Wow, someone really should subtitle that movie and release it in the states.” Then I remember that most people have no taste. (For proof submit every Eddie Murphy movie since Beverly Hills Cop 2)

The movie itself forms the final instalment of a loose trilogy that focuses on hard-luck samurai. The previous two movies (Twilight Samurai and Hidden Blade) are already available on English-subtitled DVD. Both are excellent films but from what I have seen most people agree with me that they are not of the same caliber as Love and Honor.

The following clip actually has nothing to do with the movie Love and Honor, other then it also involves samurai and is also full to the brim with awesome.

Teaching in Japan: The Silver Lining of Nova`s collapse

Hubris.

I have been avoiding writing about the Nova scandal but it is no longer impossible to ignore the elephant in the room. For those of you who do not know, Nova is the largest English conversation school (eikaiwa) in Japan. With roughly seven thousand foreign language teachers and staff in its employ and nearly 420,000 students. Wait a minute…sorry, all of that should have been in the past tense.

Nova, the eikaiwa giant, is no more, and no amount of cuteness in its pink bunny logo can save it now.

Over the last few months the company has been disintegrating and now it seems there is no hope of a recovery. Its staff is basically unemployed, many of whom are still owed their salary from August. Nova, a company that advertised on television, in the airport, and was a nearly ubiquitous feature in Japanese train stations, had reached nearly iconic status. Shortly its rotting corpse will be thrown on the trash heap of history and I say good riddance.

I do salute the loyalty of the staff members who have worked diligently for months without pay, but I have to point out that it was pretty dumb to do so, considering how terribly Nova treated their employees. I have a lot more sympathy for the students who, for the most part, pay upfront for expensive year long contracts, and now, for the most part are basically screwed out of their money.

Nova`s main problem was hubris. It controlled nearly 50% of the Eikaiwa market with a widely recognised brand. Apparently it thought it could get away with a number of shenanigans indefinitely. After talking to several (ex) Nova employees it seems that the primary criteria for being hired at Nova was having a pulse. Until recently its core curriculum was apparently centered around a series of texts written in the 1970`s to teach English to Mexican immigrants living in America. Obviously this was a good choice because Spanish is so very similar to Japanese. In addition, students were not tied to any one teacher, making it impossible to tailor a class to the needs of any individual student. To overcome this problem, Nova created a rigid, factory like curriculum that while forcing untalented, uninterested teachers (of whom there were many) to teach at a minimum level, it also forced talented, dedicated, hardworking teachers (of whom there were many) to teach at a minimum level.

It was a great way to build customer loyalty, locking customers into a long, expensive contract (but a relatively cheap cost per lesson) for a barely acceptable product. If they wanted out they were refunded a fraction of their money.

There are also several rumors that long term, experienced and higher paid teachers would not get their contracts renewed in order to be replaced with newer, inexperienced, and lower paid instructors. The fact of the matter is that average full-time salaries have been falling for several years. With the government mandated minimum of 250,000 yen a month that can only mean that experienced teachers are being replaced with new blood. In addition to that, Nova in recent years has been increasingly avoiding the regulated minimum wage by hiring “part-time teachers” who were worked just shy of full time and paid a subsistence level wage. In addition to that Nova teachers were apparently defrauded as standard practice. Moving into a new apartment is quite expensive in Japan, with landlords frequently requiring up to six months rent as a deposit. So Nova rented out apartments and sublet them to their employees. The catch being that they would cram three strangers in a two or one bedroom apartment and charge them (for example) 35,000 yen/month each when the total rent on the apartment could be as low as 70,000 yen/month.

What a great way to build employee loyalty. Seriously. The fact that their staff did not abandon the company like rats from a sinking ship when their first paycheck was held says a lot about more about the character of their staff then it does about the management of the company. Or gullibility. Or both.

So what is the silver lining? Well, not a whole lot to be honest.

There is a chance, however slim, that this could be a good thing for language students in Japan. Nova was the 800 lb gorilla in the Eikaiwa biz. Without Nova, perhaps the industry can evolve from an expensive hobby staffed by tourist-teachers into one that provides meaningful instruction in foreign languages.

The main question is will the now-wizened Japanese consumer seek out and demand qualified and talented instructors, and be willing to pay for a quality product, or will they be duped again by a cute mascot and deceptively low prices?

Japanese Music that doesnt Suck: The Blue Hearts

Japanese music has largely not penetrated the consciousness of the west. And for good reason- the vast majority of it is pretty darn terrible. A nearly endless parade of unremarkable female singers singing forgettable songs about interchangeable boyfriends. Now, don`t get me wrong, most music that is made anywhere is bad, but most Japanese pop music has melodies so trite, lyrics so saccharine sweet, that even June Cleaver would call it lame.

Ok, its hard to get away from the lyrics that, when translated into English, would make the teeniest of teeny-boppers cringe… But there are a few bands worth listening to. One of these is a punk band from the late 80`s and early`90s called The Blue Hearts.

While they still occasionally suffer from the sappy-lyric syndrome, they did manage to get themselves banned from television for a year due to their habit of cursing between songs and spitting on a camera. In addition to their relatively harsh sound, a lot of their popularity was due to the energy and charisma of their lead singer, Komoto Hiroto. (His charisma stemming largely from the fact that he acted like a total crack head on stage, yet very humble when he gave interviews.)

Unfortunately for them, their sound was ten years out of date by the time they started playing and the era of punk music that they would have been perfect for had already passed them by. But in a country that is notorious for carefully scripting and crafting every aspect of a public figure`s life and performance, they are one of the few examples of a musician able to do largely what they wanted.

The band broke up in 1995. The lead singer reformed a band called The High Lows, then a succession of increasingly obscure bands. His insistence on only playing music that he wanted to meant that his sound was increasingly irrelevant to the people that actually bought albums and concert tickets.

Here you can find their two biggest hits- Train Train and Linda Linda.

Being to belt out either one of these at a karaoke bar in Japan will make you be crowned karaoke hero for the night. 100% guaranteed.

My personal favorite is Jyounetsu no Bara (Rose of Passion)